by Jacob Ninan
You may have woken up in the morning one day and this thought comes to your mind telling you to sleep for some more time, not to be in a big hurry but to take things easy. But then, almost at the same time, another thought tells you to get up immediately, not to be lazy and waste time, how many important things have to be done, etc. What do you do? Many times, people immediately choose to do what they feel like at that moment, without paying too much attention to these thoughts!
Another time, your mind reminds you that a test is coming up next week and how you should not ignore it like you did in the past but to prepare earnestly and get ready. But immediately another thought comes in saying there is still one more week and you could relax now, enjoy yourself for sometime before you take up your preparation.
All of us have had experiences such as the above. Why do such conflicting ideas come from our own mind? They both appear to be reasonable enough and have valid arguments behind them. How can we understand ourselves in these situations, and how can we take proper decisions?
The first thing we need to understand is that our memory is filled with a multiple variety of experiences that we have gone through till then, including what we have personally gone through, what we have read or watched in the media, what our parents, teachers and pastors have taught us, the customs we have observed around us in the family and society, etc. At different times in our life now, some of these memories come up in our mind depending on a connection ('association') with our present situation. Since these memories can be vastly different among themselves, the thoughts that come up to our mind may also be contradicting one another.
A secular psychologist Dr. Richard C. Schwartz has formulated a model to explain this phenomenon called internal family systems. We can consider our mind as a 'family' where there are different 'persons' representing these different thoughts that come up in our mind at any time. Each person is reminding us about something that we have known earlier or have experienced, and telling us what we should therefore do now. If we look at these different persons giving us suggestions at this time we understand that in their own way they have our welfare in mind. They are actually working as members of our 'internal family' with good will towards us and concerned about our welfare. At the same time, what each of these persons is telling us may be contradictory to what others are saying! What we need to do is to listen to each one and then decide which is the best action for us to take now, at this present juncture.
Taking the example of waking up in the morning, there are advantages in both approaches, to sleep for some more time and to get up without wasting time. What we do today may not be the best thing to do tomorrow! Who is to decide? We, that is, what Dr. Schwartz calls our 'Self'. This self is nothing but the 'real me' who is finally responsible for taking the decision. Of course, we do well to listen to what the different persons in our internal family tell us, and perhaps we could consult the members of our real family or friends. As those who know God, we also recognise the possibility that some of these ideas that come to our mind may be from deceiving spirits too. We subject our decision finally to what God tells us, through His word and the Holy Spirit. But our 'Self' has to make the final choice.
Doesn't this give us a little more clarity about how we are to take personal decisions? Can we afford to make decisions based on our feelings of the moment, or what someone tells us to do?