by Jacob Ninan
Almost everyone is willing to give advice, and that too mostly with good intentions. But we would, of course, be foolish to accept all the advice we get because we could end up with more problems! On the other hand, many times we hesitate to go to someone for advice (counsel) because we think a) we can manage ourselves, b) no one will be able to understand our peculiar problems, c) people will only throw stones at us, d) what people would think if they knew we had such problems, e) only mentally sick (mad) people need counselling, f) God is sufficient to help us out of all problems, etc.Of course God can solve all our problems. But how does He actually do it? Sometimes He does a miracle and removes that problem. Sometimes He tells us in His Word what we should do. Sometimes He speaks to us through the preaching in the church, through books we read, tapes we listen to, etc. Sometimes He sends someone across our path who can stand with us, pray with us, encourage us, guide us, and lead us. So it is not right for us to insist on any one of these methods for God to help us, while neglecting the others. Also, did you notice that while God does deal with us directly, (and all of us have this privilege as His children), many times He works through other people?
Think of what we do when we are sick. We may pray and ask God for healing, we ask someone to pray for us, and we go to a doctor. If it is an eye problem we go to the eye specialist, and if it is a chest pain we rush to the heart specialist. When it comes to our body we know where to go for help, because we know there are people out there who have special knowledge and experience that can help us.
But when it comes to problems concerning our feelings or emotions such as disappointment, discouragement, depression, hopelessness, worthlessness, disinterest in life, bitterness, guilt, etc., thoughts, habits, studies, work, choices for the future, managing time or money, handling crises, relationships such as marriage or between parents and children, spiritual issues, ministry, etc., we tend to think that we can handle them or that no one can help us. But there are people who are trained to help us even here.
There are three major groups of people involved in such work. Psychologists are those who study the working of the human brain and human behaviour. They try to understand why we behave the way we do. They have gained a lot of knowledge through the years, and even though they cannot explain everything, they can provide a lot of help.
Psychiatrists are medical doctors who have specialised in treating mental disorders which have a physical cause. Certain mental problems are due to chemical imbalance in the body and they can be treated with medicines. Some physical problems are due to wrong mental attitudes or approach and they can be set right.
The third group of people called 'counsellors' are not entirely separate from psychologists and psychiatrists. Psychologists and psychiatrists also do counselling. But in the Christian context we may generally say that Christian counsellors are those who come alongside people with problems, and try to provide them understanding and support, and guide them to lasting solutions for their problems. They may use some knowledge of psychology, but their approach is Christian, based on their knowledge of God and His ways. Trained counsellors do not straightaway tell their counselees what to do or direct their lives. They know that the counselees may not agree with their assessment or their solutions if they are just presented to them. They respect the counselee's individual freedom to choose, and try to help the counselees to understand themselves and their problems, and to arrive at solutions.
Secular counsellors differ from Christian counsellors in two main points. They do not take God into their consideration, and they believe that man is essentially good and able to help himself. Christian counsellors have God at their centre and their aim is to guide the counselees along God's ways. They also believe that human beings are born with the disadvantages of the fall of Adam and Eve, and that they need God to save them and to help them. Christian counsellors also have the advantage of having the Spirit of Christ in them who helps them to be compassionate and kind to their counselees and to bring God's help to them.
What are the characteristics of a Christian counsellor?
* He is a born again Christian who has experienced the grace of God in his own life.
* He has a good knowledge of the Bible and God's ways.
* He has a working knowledge of human psychology and people's problems.
* He will lean heavily on the Holy Spirit to give him the grace and wisdom he needs to help the counselees.
* He has a heart of compassion and longs to help people in need.
* He has an ability to empathise with the counselee (to recognise the feelings of the counselee as though he himself was going through them).
* He is willing to listen with an open and patient mind to all that the counselee has to say and to see things from the counselee's point of view.
* He can look at people and things objectively and avoid being moved by feelings or favouritism.
* He can proceed systematically to identify the real issues hidden behind what the counselee tells him and help the counselee to understand the possible solutions and to make the right choice.
* He will not judge or look down on the counselee no matter how much the counselee has messed up things or be shocked by anything that the counselee tells him.
* He will keep all that the counselee tells him with strict confidence, not discussing it with others or passing it on to others in the form of prayer requests, unless the counselee gives him specific permission. (He will however be forced to take action if there is any threat to the life of the counselee or others, or compelled under judicial proceedings.)
* He will pray for the counselee and try to lead him in the way that God has laid out in the Bible.
* He knows his limitations, and will refer the counselee to specialists if they need that.
What about the counselees? Of course, not all people can be helped. Some are certain they are not at fault and it is all the fault of the others. Some know they have problems, but like Naaman they want some Elisha to wave his hands or pray and make their problems disappear! Some want instant solutions for long-standing problems. Some don't want to change or give up their ways. Etc.
But those who are willing to listen to God and do what He wants will have the Lord on their side. They will surely find mercy and grace in their time of need.
