by Jacob Ninan
There is a lot of confusion in the world about love. For many people, love is a nice feeling they have about another person. This is why some people who are considering marriage say that they have feelings for someone, and also why some married people complain that they have no feelings any more for their spouse after some time. Of course, love involves feelings, but feelings are not the only things in love because feelings can be unstable and therefore not reliable as a test for love.
For many young people who look for relationships, they don't realise that they may be actually looking for something from another person to fill their own needs. Girls in general want to know that they are loved and that somebody wants them. So, when someone shows them that kind of attention, they become willing to do almost anything to keep that attention. On the other hand, boys look for a sense of conquest, when they win the attention of some girl. It happens many times that once they have conquered one girl, they lose their interest in her and move on to another girl. Among many boys, they are also looking for girls who are willing to give themselves to the boys. Some girls are willing to do anything out of fear that they may lose this love otherwise. We can see that in these examples, this love is not about the other person but a selfish desire to get something for themselves from the other.
But Jesus characterised the true nature of love as a desire to do good to others, even to the extent of making sacrifices for the sake of others. He said that in its strongest form, people will be even willing to give their life for the others (Jn.15:13). When two Christians get married, they vow to each other that no matter what things happen, they will nourish and cherish the other.
Even towards God, our attitude may be one of selfishness, looking only for what we can get from Him. People try various ways to please Him or bargain with Him in order to get what they want, such as giving Him 'seed money' hoping for a many fold returns, making Him vows saying that if He did certain things for them they would be willing do certain things for Him, offering Him praise and worship hoping that God would return them favour, etc. But God who looks at our hearts can see through all these gimmicks and understand that they don't really love Him (Matt.15:8).
It will be good for us to go through the Bible and learn about some of the characteristics of the kind of love that God expects from us. As we do that, let us examine ourselves to see if what we think is our love for God is really so.
We know how God tested Abraham. God gave him a son, Isaac, miraculously at the age of 100. Then when Isaac was growing up, God asked Abraham to offer him as a sacrifice. When Abraham was about to kill Isaac, God said this to Abraham. "Do not reach out your hand against the boy, and do not do anything to him; for now I know that you fear God, since you have not withheld your son, your only son, from Me" (Gen.22:12). It is when we are willing to do whatever God says, even when it costs us, that we demonstrate that we love God. We can understand that it is easier to sing songs or raise our hands and tell God nice things about how we love Him, than afterwards, when a difficult choice comes, to honour God by choosing to do His will.
We know theoretically that God is our Creator, Provider, Sustainer, Saviour, Judge, etc. This knowledge is tested in practical situations when we are tempted to avoid hurting someone we love, even when it comes to doing something unrighteous in order to do that, and as a result end up hurting or grieving God. "The one who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and the one who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me" (Matt.10:37). Of course, we are to love people. But who do we love the most? If we choose to disobey God even in a 'small' thing in order to please someone, we show that we don't really honour God as our Creator, Provider, Sustainer, Saviour and Judge. So, actually we don't love God, even though we think we do because we think we are very sincere when we sing those songs in the church!
It is not just about comparing God with people to see who we love the most, it is also about how much value we give God in comparison to things we have as possessions in this world. "So then, none of you can be My disciple who does not give up all his own possessions" (Lk.14:33). We do understand that Jesus is not asking us to give up everything we have, because He knows we need to have many things for our earthly live. In the early days of the church, people began to sell their properties and give the money to the church so that no one should be needy among them (Acts.4:34,35). They did this in their zeal and genuine love, but they were not probably wise in a practical sense. We know this because we see that later the church in Jerusalem got into a lot of financial need, for which churches in other places had to help! At the same time we know the story of the rich young ruler who came to Jesus looking for eternal life. Jesus reognised that even though this man was good in many other ways, he had a serious problem because his heart was in his wealth. Jesus told him that if he really wanted to follow Jesus it was necessary for him to sell off everything he had. This was what was necessary to wean him from his love for money so that he could love God as he ought. This is a question we too have to ask ourselves. How attached are we to the things God Himself has given us? Is our love for God greater than those things?
Jesus told His disciples, "If you love Me, you will keep My commandments" (Jn.14:15). He is able to tell us this because He is God, and our Lawgiver and Judge. He is making it very clear that if we say we love Him, and we know who He is, it will be seen in the way we seek to do His will in everything. Otherwise, our so-called love for Him has no meaning. The apostle John reiterated this when he said that one who said he loved God, yet he did not keep His commandments, he was fooling himself (1Jn.2:4). This is a problem with those who exaggerate grace and say that obedience was an old testament requirement, Jesus has obeyed in our place, and so we simply have to enjoy His unmerited favour towards us. But without obedience, there is no real love for Jesus, even if we proclaim it loudly through songs and praises. Also, our obedience is to the law of the Spirit of Christ working in our heart (Rom.8:2), and not to the old testament laws which mainly addressed the external behaviour.
As an aside we should also note that this kind of obedience is not required when we love other people, including husbands and wives, because they are not our lawgivers or judges. Here our love will be seen in serving one another (Jn.15:13).
Is there anything in our life where we know what God wants us to do, but we are unwilling to do it? If so, we need to see God as who He is, and show Him our love for Him by surrendering our will to Him and obeying Him and doing whatever He wants us to. Let us not think of God, as many people seem to, as a genie who is there to run to our help whenever we ask Him, or an indulgent grandfather who is willing to give us whatever we want.
Finally, if we have come to see God who has graciously taken our punishment on His Son so that the chasm between Him and us could be bridged, our spontaneous response should be to surrender ourselves to Him to do whatever He wants. Let us remember that it is not only forgiveness for our sins that He has offred for us, "Therefore I urge you, brothers and sisters, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect" (Rom.12:1,2). "For the love of Christ controls us, having concluded this, that one died for all, therefore all died; and He died for all, so that those who live would no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose on their behalf" (2Cor.5:14,15).
Let us examine our life honestly to see if our love which we proclaim for God is genuine or just a sentiment we feel towards Him. Let us love Him, not merely in our words, but in our deeds. Of course, this path is full of imperfections and there will always be gap between how we ought to love Him and how we actually do. But there is forgiveness available for us when we confess our sins. So, let us set our course towards loving Him more and in better ways, so that when God looks at our hearts He can see that our love is genuine.