Jacob Ninan

* Men are 'wired' or 'programmed' to take a proactive role in sex. From the time when sex hormones begin to act in their bodies at the time of puberty, their bodies direct their minds to take a special interest in girls/women, and they can easily get stirred sexually when they deal with girls/women. Different hormones act in men's bodies, one thing leading to another, and if things go on beyond a point it can become difficult for them to think straight (for example, about the consequences) and to stop themselves. Though girls/women also can cross this point for themselves, men's progress in this direction is very much faster. (If a man does not have any interest in sex, what he needs is a medical check up!)

* As boys grow up, normally they learn to 'control' themselves so that they remain within the boundaries of 'appropriate behaviour'. In other words, they learn that even though there are all sorts of provocations, their behaviour has to be limited to what is 'acceptable'. Many boys, however, take deviant routes because of curiosity or peer pressure, and end up in perversions or unhealthy habits.

* It is natural that men have sexual thoughts coming up in their minds when they come across pretty women, or provocative pictures on TV, magazines, posters, etc. How 'dirty' these thoughts are depends on what their minds have been fed with in the past. As they say, "Garbage in, garbage out!" (Sometimes even godly men have some really dirty thoughts put into their minds by demons, and these men can be utterly shocked and perplexed about how they could be thinking such thoughts. But in these cases these thoughts are not their own.) The more someone has dabbled with dirty thoughts, imaginations, images, and acts in the past, the more natural it is for such thoughts to pop up in different situations. Even dreams become full of sexual content if that is what the mind has been fed with.

* Whether such thoughts come from demons or from earlier associations in our minds, we must recognise that they are 'temptations' and not yet 'sins'. Recognising this can be a major step in the battle for victory in this area. A temptation is a 'suggestion' to take up a sinful attitude or action. We are not obliged to follow such suggestions. Even if we feel that it is a strong suggestion and feel under great pressure to give in, we don't have to give in. Even if we find it difficult, we still have the option to say "No" to it. If we are able to say "No", even after a struggle, we have won a victory! It is only if we give in to the temptation that we sin.

* What does it mean to 'give in'? In this case it means we accept the suggestion, continue to think about what is titillating us, and perhaps take some action. Even if we don't do anything externally, if we continue to let our thoughts run and enjoy the thrill they give us, we have succumbed.

* What is wrong if we continue to 'enjoy' these thoughts? We may reason it out saying that we are not hurting anyone. If there is nothing wrong, where is the guilt coming from? That is our God given conscience speaking, warning us to take care. In simple terms, when we let our imaginations run along sexual lines concerning other people, we are crossing a boundary that God has laid down for us. Sexual activity has a boundary, limited to married couples between themselves. We should keep to this boundary, even in our thoughts. Otherwise we will suffer different types of consequences affecting our relationship with God, own personality, and our relationships with other people.

* On the contrary, if we resist such thoughts, and try our best to stop them, we are on the way to victory. Even if we lose some battles, if we persevere in this way we will ultimately win the war. It is not an easy battle for men (women can't usually understand this). But we mustn't give up just because it is tough. It can be won, with God's grace, if we don't give up. Even if one dirty thought after another keeps coming, we don't have to despair. If we seek God's help and continue in the battle, we shall win the victory. The reward for this victory is a clean mind, boldness towards God and men, and good relationships.

* A lot of men fail because while they are battling with dirty thoughts they keep feeding their mind with dirty stuff during the 'interval' times. For example they choose to watch TV programmes or pick up magazines which they know can be provocative.

* The Bible tells men to consider women as mothers or sisters (or daughters, for that matter). Think (take time to sit down and do this) of women you associate with, in this manner. In course of time, we can re-write the association that women may have had in our minds as sex objects.

* If sex has become an addiction for us, there is no way we can be freed except by acknowledging our helplessness and then going to God and asking Him for deliverance. But if we do that, then we believe that what is impossible with men is possible with God.