The log in our eyes

One of the reasons why marriage counselling fails is that people want their spouses to change and they themselves do not see any need to change. Each one keeps coming up with more faults of their spouse, saying in effect that it is all the other person's fault, and how they are bearing with them! They have justifications or excuses for whatever they do from their side. From the time of the Fall, this is one of the many handicaps we all are born with. We tend to be quick to detect faults in others, while we are blind to our own faults even when they are so plain in sight to others!

If we are quick to judge others like this, Jesus warns us that when God judges us, we will deserve to be judged in the same way (Mt.7:1,2). Whenever we find ourselves focused too much on the faults of others, we must remind ourselves that there is a log in our own eyes preventing us from having a clear view. Then we must pause, take a look at ourselves and ask God to show us where we have gone wrong. If we are honest and sincere in this, God will point out where we have failed or where we need to change.

It was not just David who was born in sin, but we have all inherited a sinful nature from our ancestors Adam and Eve. When we are born again this nature does not go away, but what we get is a regenerated spirit in which the Holy Spirit dwells. The Spirit will lead us a little at a time into all the truth about our life that needs to be changed. We are expected to respond by denying ourselves in all those areas and learning to follow Jesus (Ro.8:13).

But if we have not been specifically taught about this, the chances are that we will continue to be defensive about ourselves and keep the focus on other people's faults. We can even become experts at how quickly we divert the attention from us to others and what all explanations we give for our behaviour.

But let us first of all accept the universal fact that we personally must be having many faults that we cannot see. Our goal then is not to count on the blood of Jesus taking care of them automatically, but to deal with each of our faults, overcome them and become more and more like Jesus in His character. Practising this is not easy if we have developed our response over many years. But whether it is difficult or it takes time, we must learn how to allow the Holy Spirit to transform our life.

Peter tells wives with unreasonable husbands to try and win them using the example of their meek and quiet behaviour, instead of words (1Pe.3:1,2). Whether we are husbands or wives, or even if we are not married, the same principle can work in our dealing with others. What if they can notice a change in our behaviour, where we are willing to admit our mistakes and faults, listen to others and learn, and stop blaming them automatically? Not only will we be able to make spiritual progress in our own life, but our relationships can also become better. Let us not be proud-hearted and be always on the defensive.