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Different communications - men and women

Jacob Ninan


Men Women
Men talk mainly in order to exchange information. Women also exchange information. But their main goal is to connect with people.
Men talk if they feel there is some purpose in talking. For women, talking is a goal in itself, because it accomplishes many things for her, such as getting things off her chest, airing different views in order to decide among them, getting support from others, building rapport with others, etc.
After they have exchanged their bit of information, men think there is nothing more to talk about. Women's scope for conversation is virtually unlimited.
When a man faces a problem, he wants to be alone to think over it till he gets to a solution. When a woman faces a problem, she wants to talk about it in order to vent out her feelings, get support, and get ultimately to a solution through this process.
When a man hears of someone's problem, he immediately wants to offer solutions. When a woman shares a problem, she is looking first of all for understanding and support rather than solutions.
Men don't like to appear vulnerable by asking for help. Women don't hesitate to appear vulnerable, and so they share their problems easily with others.
Men can handle only one task at a time. So if they feel something negative, they would like to first think about it, see what they can do about it, and they talk about it only if necessary. Women's brains allow them to do many things at the same time. They can feel something, talk about it and think about it at the same time. (E.g., they can be very quick at forming opinions about people, not through reasoning but through a mystical process that looks like intuition.)
Men think and talk sequentially. They find it difficult to communicate feelings without thinking about it first. Women talk, feel and think in a somewhat back and forth and simultaneous fashion so that they develop and change their feelings, thoughts and speech fast during the same conversation without noticing anything has changed.
Men like to be independent, and so they tend to avoid intimacy with others. Women love intimacy, and they don't mind being dependent on others.
Men like to talk and gain significance. They like to be one up on the others. Women talk to gain security. They don't mind being dependent.
Men talk about one subject at a time. When they have finished exchanging all the information on that subject they don't know how to continue. Women can flit from one subject to another and back because they are processing many things in their brains, and they have some inter-connection among the different subjects they are talking about even if the men can't understand.
Men talk about facts and information, and they talk about them directly and logically. Women talk indirectly and expect the listeners to guess what they are driving at. For them this is logical.
Men talk about facts and information. Their aim is to convey them as accuractely as possible. Women tend to convey feelings rather than facts. In this process facts may appear to be distorted. But women don't see anything amiss in this because 'what they meant' was something about what they felt, and facts were really less relevant.
Men like to talk in public, e.g., crack a joke, in order to gain recognition. Women like to talk in private in order to gain intimacy.

It may appear from this table as if I am trying to imply that women are somewhat illogical and less than clear in their communications. That is how men tend to perceive women. But if we knew how their brains work differently from men's brains we would understand that for women everything is logical and clear from their point of view.

Scientific research has shown that the left side of our brain is the one responsible for communications while the right side of the brain is more responsible for problem solving. Women can use both sides of the brain simultaneously while men have to use them one at a time. There are more connections between the two sides for women than for men. This fundamental difference between men and women makes their thinking processes and communications very different.

This means that there must be a logic and rule behind the way women communicate, even though it is very difficult for men to decipher them. If men and women can try to understand the differences of the other side from their own ways, communications between men and women can become better. Without a doubt women find it easier to communicate while men tend to concentrate on problem solving than on communications.

P.S. Obviously, all this stuff is not my own discovery, but what I have learned from various sources. I have put them in this fashion so that hopefully it can be of use to people who are looking for help in this area.

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